Headship and Abuse
After expressing some views on the political
landscape, she said: „This is what is happening. My husband reads all the stuff
and he must know. I don’t really follow these things.“ This was a good
Adventist pastor’s wife in the United States, who did not bother to think for
herself but accepted her husband‘s opinion on politics without reflecting. OK.
Not everybody is interested in politics. But should she accept her husband’s
opinion in all other matters as well? A subservient woman who looks up to her
husband for guidance is a part of Headship Theology. After all, the theory that
the man is somehow superior to the woman has crept into the thinking of so many
conservative Christians.
It is interesting that the rise of the modern Headship
Theory (HT) happened at the same time as the Women’s Liberation Movement. Women
started shedding the power of men who had been oppressing women for centuries,
even millennia. I am using the word „theory“ on purpose because headship
involves so much more than just theology and spiritual roles. Male leadership
involves financial, emotional, physical, sexual as well as religious leadership
over the woman. As women were actively striving for equality, men were afraid
of losing their power. They felt that they had to react in order to keep women
in submission. Using religion for their purposes seemed to be a good way to
hold on to their power.
However, the ideas of liberty, equality, and justice
had become engrained in the minds of thinking people since the French
Revolution and could not be ignored. That is why the HT advocates
complementarian gender roles, in which men and women are somehow equal but
different. The man assumes the role of the head of the household and acts as
the leader, thus having power. Women are relegated to a passive role. What is
equal about this constellation? How can something be equal but at the same time
different?
In order to make this plausible to Christians, it is
called the Biblical role model. If the
HT was applied only to men and women in their marriage relationship they could
work it out in their own way according to their personal convictions. But when
HT is applied to the church with men, in general, having authority over women it
gets dangerous. Bible texts are taken out of context to prove that women have
to submit to the leadership of men instead of considering the mutual submission
the Apostle Paul propagates for the church[1].
Pauls subsequent words were meant as counsel for married couples, but are often
falsely used to prove male dominion over women in the church.
When a man assumes authority over a woman he also
takes over responsibility for the woman’s actions when she obeys. It is no
secret that abuse is prevalent in conservative churches that embrace HT. Women
are expected to stay in abusive and manipulative relationships. Insecure women
who have been taught to look up to men in leadership are at risk when these
leaders manipulate women to submit to sexual relations or rape. As predators, these men should take up the responsibility for their deeds and not put the
blame on their victims.
In „The Unavoidable Link Between Patriarchal
Theology and Spiritual Abuse“[2] by Haley
Horton published on January 13, 2021,
the following characteristics of
spiritual abuse based on complementarian theology are listed:
• The man demands respect from the woman
without question due to his “God-given” masculine authority.
• The man discourages the woman from having
a different opinion, especially theological, political, or social, because God
has given him discernment for the both of them.
• The man shames the woman if she publicly
expresses an opinion different from his own, because it challenges or even
humiliates his male authority.
• The man is unable to see the woman as an
accountability partner. If the man criticizes the woman on an issue, he
believes he’s fulfilling his God-designed responsibility as spiritual leader.
But if the woman criticizes the man on an issue, he believes she’s
disrespecting his authority and therefore rejecting “God’s design” for men and
women.
• The man emphasizes his dedication to
caring for and protecting his partner but only does so in the way he believes
is best. Because he is the spiritual leader, he thinks he knows what is best
for the woman even if she says otherwise.
• The man rarely, if ever, considers that
he could be wrong in his decision-making.
• If the woman confronts the man on an
issue, he makes her think that she is overreacting, crazy, or simply a bad
partner because she does not trust, is ungrateful for, or is disrespectful of
his leadership (a form of gaslighting). He might twist the conversation so that
the moral of the story is that the woman must learn to be more forgiving and
gracious, as opposed to the man acknowledging his own mistakes.
• The man misuses Scripture to require the
woman to perform sexual activities. If she says no, he claims she is denying
God’s command to please her partner.
• The man demands primary or full control
over finances as head of the household.
• The man uses statements like, “You don’t
love or respect me anymore. If you did, you would…” or “I’m only doing this to
love and protect you. Don’t you want that?” to emotionally manipulate his
partner into doing what he wants.
• The man lies when necessary to protect
his good reputation and “Christian testimony.”
• The man quotes from Bible passages like
Ephesians 5 to require that the woman perform domestic duties and not maintain
a career. Or, if she does have a career, the man demands that his career takes
priority.
The news that a prominent church member, a former
pastor, and leader, has been disfellowshipped by a local church in Ohio hit the
media on January 18, 2021. The most shocking thing about this is that women
have been accusing him of predacious sexual behavior for nearly three decades.
He was already once removed from membership in 2012 for the same reasons. In
2014, after rebaptism and apparent repentance, he was reinstated. Now, after
again being disfellowshipped, „The Ohio Conference unequivocally warns the
public against inviting Pipim as a speaker, using his books or materials, or
placing him in a position of spiritual authority, leadership, or influence over
others. The Seventh-day Adventist Church and the Ohio Conference have zero
tolerance for sexual misconduct. The Ohio Conference cares deeply about the
pain suffered by victims of this case. We extend our apologies globally to
those who have been hurt and wish to be an agent of healing, hope, and
wholeness. We have heard your voices, and we take each story seriously.“[3]
This is tragic proof of what HT does when men are
exalted into positions of dominance in patriarchal systems. I fail to
understand how this was allowed to happen for such a long time and the
perpetrator was not arraigned and imprisoned. As a church organization, we have
taken a stand against violence and abuse with our enditnow project but it seems
that in practice there is much to be learned. We must break the silence and
believe the victims.
I am convinced that HT was never a part of our
beliefs as Seventh-Day Adventists and that the infiltration of such thinking is
not the will of God for His church. But I have yet to find any official
opposition from church leadership to this infiltration. Why are the proponents
of HT not confronted? Others who have
had theological ideas that did not quite conform to traditional Adventist
beliefs were defrocked. Why is there no outcry against Headship Theology in our
church? One answer would be that the church leadership consists of men only.
God created woman in His image with a free will and she is responsible for her own thoughts and actions to God. Anything else is misleading God’s children. Women must be aware of their value in God’s eyes as individuals who are only to submit themselves to God’s authority. In the Epistle of James, we are all told to submit to God.[4] Men and women must be treated as equals before God. No man has the right to abuse a woman be it spiritually, physically, financially, or sexually because women are God’s precious daughters of equal worth with His sons.
Photo: enditnow.org
[1] „Submit
to one another out of reverence for Christ“. Ephesians 5:21 NIV
[2] https://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/article/mutuality-blog-magazine/unavoidable-link-between-patriarchal-theology-and
[3] http://www.ohioadventist.org/about/news/pipim-press-release-01-18-2021?fbclid=IwAR2I7q5q8STnWklW-J0X-OlIKt2shD2el6Q46JTGyfazr7K2mwPM0ZM-UEo
[4] „Submit
yourselves, then, to God“ James 4:7 NIV
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